I actually wasn’t even thinking of my lack of a career or my singular fan I might still have out there when I got the email through my email on my phone: “Audition.” I was scared, nervous and excited all at the same time … and it was from Jim and Gloria too, so I figured it had to be good, right? A pilot? A guest star? A one-liner? I quickly got to a computer and opened it up.
Jim’s instructions were very concise: “You need to videotape yourself doing the lines and then email the video to this email address.” How odd, I thought. I have never had to videotape myself and then send it in, but I had been out of the industry awhile now and thought maybe I just wasn’t “in the know.” I proceeded to read the breakdown. It called for a 50-year-old. I thought I must be reading the wrong info. I look 40, and sound 30, not 50. I kept reading. It said “nudity required.” Me, nude? I don’t think so. I kept reading. The breakdown stated “Sag ULTRA low budget” The “ULTRA” was in all caps. What is this? THIS is the best Jim and Gloria could do? The plot line was about a man who “finds himself,” literally, while masturbating to a woman he sees through his window. The scene I was given to read was me fondling the lead male character and the reason for the self-video was to shoot myself with no shirt on. At this point I was thinking, do I call Jim and yell at him, or yell at him through email? I did both.
The best they could do for me was soft-core porn, $100/day, for a 50-year-old? I got Jim on the phone. “Are you f***ing kidding me here? I’m not reading for this. I am a mother, an actress, not a nude old lady!” I probably sounded so stupid, but I was really upset. Jim said they “sent me out for the wrong part. There was another part they submitted me for.” I got even more upset. “Why would you even submit me for this crap?! I don’t care if I am making a cameo, I am not doing this.” And I hung up.
This business sucks. My managers suck. Not a happy camper. I am so fricking frustrated, when am I going to get the opportunity to show what I can do? I started to cry. I’m a Pisces, we are very sensitive. I missed the old days. I missed when I actually could get to the baseball field and then it was up to ME to swing the bat. If I couldn’t even get to bat how could I ever prove myself? My mom used to take me auditions all the time growing up. She would rehearse lines with me and make sure I had everything memorized. We didn’t leave anything to chance. My mom and dad used to say to me, “Do your best, then forget about it.” They made me realize I had one shot. One opportunity.